Conflicts are an unavoidable aspect in every interpersonal relationship. It occurs when the involved parties ‘only perceive that their idea, desire, event or activity is incompatible with the other’. However, for a relationship to be long-lasting, these conflicts have to be managed. Otherwise, the relationship can be severely weakened.
I recall an incident involving two friends of mine, Ahmad and Johari (Anonymous names used). They had similar character traits; frank, talkative and loud. All of us would occasionally meet up to talk about anything under the sun. The topics could range from schoolwork, sports, politics and what I feel is the most sensitive one, religion.
In these discussions, I usually played the role of a neutral listener while they tend to be passionate in their views. Even so, they rarely had uncontrolled arguments as both of them had a high tolerance and understanding of one another.
However, there was a night that that tolerance threshold was broken. We were all having a casual chat during dinner on the meaning of words. The particular word that was being discussed was “Worship”. Johari was well-versed in linguistics and believed that the word “Worship” could have several meanings. One of them was “to feel an adoring regard for any person thing”. He gave an example by saying “I worship Manchester United Football Club”.
Upon Johari saying that, Ahmad flared up. He vehemently accused Johari of blasphemy. To Ahmad, the word “Worship” should only be used in reference to God and no other. Johari tried to reason with him, citing Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary to prove his case. However, Ahmad could not accept his reasoning and left the fiery argument. Johari was left understandably upset after that. I attempted to shift the topic to another one but the damage was beyond repair by then.
At the end of it, I realised the importance of semantics in communication. A particular word may have various meanings. When a party grows attached to a specific meaning of a word, he would not be able to communicate well with the other party. I felt the situation could have been avoided if I had intervened much earlier before it had escalated into a raging one.
What do you think you could have done if you were put in my situation?
Hello Ikhsan,
ReplyDeleteYou present a very interesting situation here which revolves around an extremely senstive topic. Misinterpretations are usually the cause of misunderstandings in such situations and this one you have described serves as a prime example.
If I were put in your position, I would have intervened the moment Ahmad flared up. I would have clarified Johari's intentions behind making such a comment and fully understood Ahmad's reasons for flaring up.
In my opinion, Johari did not have the intention of insulting Ahmad or his beliefs but his actions may have done so. If Ahmad was given an opportunity to understand that Johari's intention was merely to elaborate on different definitions of the word, then perhaps his reaction would not have been so drastic.
In this situation, the practice of Social Awareness could have been put to good use, by understanding Johari's intentions and the reason behind Ahamd's emotional reaction.
Hey Zabir,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the quick response.=).
I agree with you that I should have stepped in earlier. My mistake was not realising that the topic would have escalated to that level. I had naively assumed that they would move on from it as they normally did with our other discussions.
I feel that Johari was merely interested into having an academic discussion of words. Perhaps, he was not so tactful in delivering his point. Prior to that incident, we were already having a discussion regarding religion. Thus, I guess given the context, it was not appropriate to make such a comment.
I feel that Ahmad had not given opportunity in understanding Johari's intention as he already had a principled image of the word "Worship" formed in his understanding.
Hey Ikhsan,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Zabir that you have presented a situation that deals with extremely sensitive topic which is very serious. Also, I , too, agree that it would be good if you have intervened earlier and that Social Awareness was not put into good use.
However, there is no need for you to reprimand yourself for not doing anything at that point of time. Perhaps it could be a blessing in disguise. It might be good if either party stop the discussion about the meaning of 'Worship' and left the argument. Think it this way, it could have been worse if you tried to clarify.
In my opinion, both of your friends are steadfast in their stands and will not back down. It could be a good time for both parties to cool down and discuss about this at a later date or not even discuss about this at all. As such, both your friends will understand each other better and such incidents will happen lesser in future.
Cai Jie
Hey Cai Jie,
ReplyDeleteI am not sure myself if I would have made the discussion any better by contributing to it. I agree with you that early intervention could have prevented this though.